When it comes to bastards, you can't beat the good old days of the Egyptian pharaohs, the Roman Empire, or Europe during the Dark Ages. The bastards of old abound—and they come in every color, creed, gender, and sexual preference. From the cross-dressing emperor Elagabalus of Rome, who was assassinated by his own grandmother, to the icon-worshipping fanatical Empress Irene of Byzantine, who gouged out her only son's eyes, you'll find the most malevolent malcontents who have truly survived the test of time. The Book of Ancient Bastards: Because when it comes to bad, it really is ancient history!