My life was going nowhere. So, I decided to buy an accordion. I already had a banjo. My watch told me that it was four o'clock, still time for another margarita, on the rocks...with salt. Then I'd head over to the pawn shop across the street for a looksee. An accordion is a beautiful thing. And I figured if I could find a woman who liked the accordion as much as I did, we could automatically skip to the important stuff. I'd come to the Tip-Top-Tap earlier than usual, hoping to avoid the young skinny pants dudes and see-through-you girls who started to arrive at the Tap around five-thirty. Fifi was behind the bar. Fifi had once been a man, but she had transitioned a few years back, just around the time she helped me out of a very bad situation. Ever since then we'd been pals. Tall—especially in heels—curvy and red-haired, I'd even asked her out once or twice. She was a very pretty woman. But Fifi said she had a policy of not getting involved with the clientele. So, we stayed just pals. Besides, I was too old for her.